There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
