I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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