Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
