And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
