I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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