1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
