It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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