I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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