ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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