Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
