How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
