Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
