There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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