Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
