and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
