Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
