I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
