Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
