so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
