I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
