you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
