I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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