I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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