No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have fence marks all over my body
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
