His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
why do cheetos always look like penises
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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