Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize