A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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