I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
