i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
