We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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