You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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