if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
