that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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