I smell stomach acid.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
