I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
