Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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