My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
