I am puke
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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