I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
