please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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