well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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