he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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