Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
