She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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