call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
