Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
