We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
