Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
