your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
