My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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