$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
