I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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