Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
