Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
