she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I take back everything I said about communal showers
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
