I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
