there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
