i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
