I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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