I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
pray to the hookup gods
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
