Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
