Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize