It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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