her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
