I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
