Sponge bath it is.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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