Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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