Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
