My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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