i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize