i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
